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1. i have Borderline Personality Disorder

2. i  have Anxiety

3. i have Depression

4. i often think about killing myself (suicidal)

5. i purposely keep people at a distance

6. i scared of the dark and what might be there that i cant see (i sleep with the light on)

7. i feel paranoid

8 .i am a cutter

9 .i have problems with men (sexual) and relationships

10.i am addicted to a drug (i will not say what drug but its illegal)

11. i am self destructive to the point i destroy everything and anything in my life and i hurt those who are close to me in the process

12. i have unresolved childhood issues related to my parents that has continued to affect me and my life today

13. i don’t know how to ask or accept help or things that i want or need

14. i often sabotage myself often times unknowingly

15. although i know what i need to change i don’t because of fear

16. i let fear control my life even if it means i am unhappy

17. i often hide who i am from everyone

18. i don’t trust anyone except Justin

19. i don’t know how to accept who i am sometimes

20. i choose content and not to try for happiness in fear of failure

21. i have guilt that i can’t get ride of because i can’t forgive myself

22. i have trouble letting things go and i often carry anger and pain of those who hurt me and mostly blaming myself for things others did or that i did to myself

23. i hate myself and i often except others to hate me as well

24. i blame myself often

25. myself worth is almost non existence

26. i fear failure and disappointment from others more than my own

27. i rather die than live if i ever destroy everything in my life beyond repair

28. i don’t leave my apartment unless its necessary

29. i feel hopeless and helpless

30. i feel like giving up and dying since things are falling apart now

31. part of me is dead and the other part is dying

32. i love Justin and i hate myself for losing him

33. i hate myself for wasting the time i had and knowing nothing i do will bring it back and that i let Racheal pass me by without thought and that i didn’t make more of an effort to see her and assuming that there will always be time

34. i blame myself for not realizing Racheal needed me and i often think i could have saved her and that i should have known she needed me

35. i make myself and my life miserable by default in what i think i deserve

36. i avoid conflict at all costs

37. i don’t speak when i should

38. my life is not what i want and what i want in life has passed me by

39. at 25 i know that its not what you have in life its who you have that is important and its not how much you do its what you do that matters most

40. i know things i shouldn’t and i have learn things most people don’t ever learn or learn until they are 40 and i have realized things in life that most don’t see until they are dying

41. if i died now i would be fine and content with my life and my choices and that i would go knowing i will finally have peace within myself

42. was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder

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7 Comments

  1. please note these are my personal confessions and as i continue on in my journy i will make many more confessions i assure you

  2. I must say you are very brave to post your feelings and confessions on the internet. Much respect. Also, check out my blog? it would mean a lot! thanks 🙂

    • thanks i have to say the here its not that hard but doing it on facebook letting people who know me see me this way i have to say was the hardest but its the only way i can help myself now and just stop hiding

      • Yes, it only make it worse when you hide from the world. I learned my lesson and now I just dont care what the world thinks anymore and I just be myself. Its how I beat depression. 🙂

      • yeah i spent my whole in hiding and now its just gotten to that point and by coming out with everything i can keep myself from relapsing and help myself for once i know it took me a while but i also know where i would end up if i didnt. that was my sisters biggest down fall and in fact is what led to her killing herself. i know as i get older my disorder will get worse and at least now i will have help when meds need to be changed and when i forget things. its a never ending battle and now i am not on the losing end have more good days where life is good.

      • I know this is nothing like your disorder, but I possibly have ADD (Im in 8th grade getting tested) and the symptoms have recently been getting worse with age. this affected my depression and made it harder, and mood swings and loss of focus kept affecting my friendships and stuff. I have been able to overcome this for the most part, as help is very slow coming. I feel happier, letting the world see who I really am. And Ive never really lost a family member I was close to, however I had almost lost my brother when he got hit by a car, which was an I opener for me. I’m not sure how this is realavent to what you were aying and I’m sorry it it seems Im trying to make things about me. I got sidetracked. lol

  3. Hi. Found your blog through the ‘depression’ tag in the WP reader.

    Your honesty’s admirable. And I’d like to exploit it. Just kidding. What would that even entail. (I’ve had too many coffees and have lost control of my words).

    Any-whoo. I started a new blog which is dedicated to sharing stories from people with depression / manic depression. If you’d be interested in contributing a post or 23, then contact me. All my information’s linked to my gravatar. The site’s called: http://www.amanicworld.com. Hopefully I’ll hear from you soon.


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