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Please beware that when i blog i write and publish it at the same time to make sure i tell my life story as it is happening and that i am not always mentally stable and that i am still struggling with a drug addiction so some of my posts will be shocking to some but they will reflect my honest thoughts and feeling at that moment so please understand that this is my life and that i am sharing a intimate and important part of it with yall in hopes to help others who are also struggling and to share my journey as it is happening

a little about me well i am a little nuts maybe even certified crazy. i lost my sister Dec. 2010 and ever since then I’ve been lost. ever since then i ve been trying to find myself and my path in life. some of my thought are disorganized and will never make sense so don’t read to much into them and please note that even if i choose to kill myself or when i say things like that know that i don’t want anyone to think its ok or that i am trying to convince anyone that is an answer or to commit suicide because its not if you are suicidal please ask for help from anyone my writings are based on my feeling at that moment and that if i choose to do it that its my life i am sharing and i want to share all of my feeling and desires i have for suicide and that this me so please no negative comments and feel free to email me if you have questions or need someone to talk to please also note i am not a doctor or anything like that i am just someone with BPD and other mental illnesses that plague me .

i should also mention that i have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) so my rational thinking and impulsiveness is unstable and erratic so sorry in advance if you get confused or lost in the readings but i am trying really hard to make every blog make sense and to follow so to speak but i do get off course and side tracked sometimes.

i am just a person who like to write and to get everything out on paper to organize my thoughts and some may make no sense and others will have no meaning but it will be out and not bottled up inside.

this blog will mainly talk about my self and the lose of my sister and my journey to finding her and finding myself even though she is gone i am still searching for whatever i can to continue to feel close to her i love her every much and she will always hold a special place in my heart i will also talk about my life in general and the unresolved issues i have and share my life experience and the knowledge i gain from everyday struggles with BPD and the reminders my sister left with me and her advice that plague me

please feel free to check out my other blogs on http://lnikkipensonw.blogspot.com/

just and update i was recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder which has made getting clean from drugs harder and my life very unstable as well has my thinking so i apologize a head of time if you cant follow some of my posts or is i discuss any delusional or hallucination thoughts or events in my life but please remember i am writing it as it happens and i am doing my best to keep it update as i can thank you

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