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Looking back into my childhood and honestly see just how i got here is amazing to me that i did’t become like everyone else. At a young age i was able to take the things my mother said about being socially accepted and fully comprehend and understand what is acceptable by society’s standards was wrong. My mother and so many other people in my life had not realized what i had at age 5, that being socially accepted even at the cost of losing who you really are was more important than anything else. In understanding this at a young age and no one telling me that being myself was good enough that i was able to alter myself in away that i knew was wrong but would make my mother happy. My mother unknowingly reinforced that being socially acceptable and material things could make you happy. So i started to pretend to be what everyone thought i should be and that was acceptable. I quickly realize what most people realize when they are adults that not being yourself and being happy with who you are is more important than being someone your not. My mother I believe only tried to make me into this person to prevent me from experiencing pain from being picked on or being an outcast because i was different. what she didn’t realize was that not only would society reject me for who i was but that she would also reject me if i fail to be acceptable. My mother over the years always reinforced that looks and who your friends were would make me happy but i knew better than to buy into the opinions of society and their ideas on being normal. i never said anything about what i knew and even though my mother was happy i slowly became unhappy as i got older. i became tired and bitter about how i believed the world was. At 14 i stopped caring so much i still did what i needed to do to keep my mother happy and to not show that i was having problems. honestly any problem i ever had and tried to talk about was not important enough for my mother and i learned at an early age how to suppress things. At age of 15 i was the ideal high girl and everyone wanted to be me. I was a cheerleader, lots of friends, a boyfriend, and even had a cell phone. everyone thought i was happy i always smiled even when i was sad. my life was not what it appeared to be and honestly my own mother didn’t even notice. People often think its greener on the other side but reality its not and most people don’t realize that things are not what it appears to be. We are taught to reach for more instead of being content and happy with what we have and often times when we do reach for more we lose what we had and don’t even realize what they had was enough and that having more is not what they excepted. the person who i was pretending to be became to much and knowing i was losing who i really was just wasn’t worth being socially accepted and society’s ideal standard. no one ever told me that being myself was good enough and no one told me that there were others who felt the way i did. i only saw and thought that everyone was like my mother. i assumed that everyone cared more about being ideal and society’s idea of normal. when i was finally told that i should be myself and that normal doesn’t existent, i had been hurt by those who were suppose to be my friends and even more hurt by my mother who pretended nothing happened. my mother still today is more worried of being normal and ideal. i finally started being me and even though i knew at a young age that being ideal was wrong i also lack the support and emotional self-worth i needed to just not give in to pressure. i am who i am and if people and society can’t accept me because i am different and because i rather stand apart from the crowd then that’s their problem. i can honestly say that happiness comes from within and that if you can’t find content or happiness with yourself and what you do have then you will never find it.

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