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Monthly Archives: November 2012

ok so i will admit i am drunk no lie. i dont write as much cuz i been clean of meth for about 3 weeks. i think about using all the time i cant stop my addiction and i completely broke it off with Justin who was my roomie and the guy who got me hooked on meth. i havent seen my dad in almost a year. my marriage is still falling apart. my family still clueless to almost everything. suicidal more than ever. what else can i say my life is a mess even if it seems on the outside i got it together i am dying on then inside. i loved justin but he apparently didnt feel the same. i am on the rebound and well shit keeps getting worse it seems. i start school in jan and thats a good start but i have no idea how my anexiety will hold up. everyday is a struggle now and more confusing than the last. i have a bad feeling that the end is near and not to due to me. if justin keeps using like he has been he will kill me no matter what. i cant count on god to save me like he has been. Racheal i cant get her out of my head last couple of days she keeps alive some how i feel like if it wasnt for her son i  would have shot myself in the face along time ago. Oding is poitnless tried so many times i ve given up hope on it ever working. my addiction to meth haunts me everyday but some how i manage not to use. achole at this point drives me to stay here numbs the shit i dont wanna feel anymore. common with borderline personality disorder is addictions and lose of life. i am almost 25 and shit haunts me more today than then they did yesterday. thing r getting worse no meds for almost 6 months n i am continuing on a down hill spiral as my sister did i dont know where to go or what to do anymore i am just going with the flow at this point. why try and stop what i cant? i get tried of fighting and really why fight what is probably meant to be kicking and screaming on the way down only hurts me and my family. its killing me this life is making me lose hope in myself and in mankind so why bother. maybe i am just drunk or maybe i am right who knows at this point i dont care anymore.

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