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so with my BPD i tend to have these ideas and thoughts on how others see me. i know i am not the hottest thing on the block but i am not completely ugly either. last night my rommie and i went to a strip club to play pool. i dont mind the strip club cause i do like girls as well and the strippers there are really hot. but i couldnt help but notice that my roomie was staring hard at the strippers and not to mention hinting on them. i was not jealous of this cause he did introduce me to them as is girlfriend so i was ok with this. but later on when we got home we spent about 5hrs having sex but he couldnt get off. i feel like maybe i should be just as hot as the strippers we saw. you know thin pretty. i mean i am not that overwieght but i do wanns lose some weight and it defitinly wont hurt. i feel like i dont measure up to those girls or to girls that i know he really likes. he says he likes the way i look and is that he is attrative to me. but i cant help feel that he rather me look like those strippers at the club. i know its all in my head and he probabley doesnt feel that way but i think this cause he couldnt get off. i know i am wrong and i should not have these insucrities but i do and i am always feeling like i dont measure up to other people and that people look down on me. i know its just the BPD talking and its all in my head but i never really felt happy with myself and i think people can see that. i know if i was happy with myself i wouldnt be thinking this but i am not so i dont know what to do. i am not gonna say anything cause its not important and if he wanted to be with someone else he would tell me. i just need to stop thinking so negative and stop assuming everyone is thinking these things about me.

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One Comment

  1. Yeah the BPD can do weird things. I’m a guy and was for most of my life was rail thin and thought of myself as ugly but talking to girls later in life who were among the hottest in my high school they all said that had i asked them out they would have definitely gone out with out me.
    The things that i find most annoying are the strange impulses – my worst was i was walking home one day in march, it was cold and the ground was wet and slushy and i stopped and couldn’t walk on because all i ‘wanted’ to do was sit – the BP won and i sat down in the slush doing nothing but being there for roughly ten minutes – the bp brain is a messed up, tangled web of sparking wires.
    keep your chin up and try to keep your thoughts straight.


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