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My first near death experience came at the age of 8 and since that time my dreams have become my sign of whats to follow and thats when the deja vu began. I would write my dreams in a notebook and the events of my life in another it seems some dreams follow in order of which it came with a six month gap although these dreams were few at the time i didnt know what it meant. I kept these things to myself for a long time afriad others might think i am crazy. so i just compared and perpared myself for what would be next and it seemed life had no more surprises. When i turned 15 i was conflicted even more the pain i have felt for so long had finally couldnt hold. The dreams made me feel crazy and no one i felt understood. so i tried to end it all and i was so close to that light but i was pulled back to life giving me my second near death expiercence. Before the dreams were few and then after that they came more frequent some nights i would void sleep just so i wouldnt have to figure out the dream. I still wrote them down some came to be others were just a dream and i felt confused and lost in a sea of unknown. Shortly before my i turn 16 my mom knew i was lost and it seemed like no one could reach me so she took me to see my sister. Now my sister and i didnt grow up together we had the same dad but not the same mom. Due to the way my parents sperated i only saw her and my other half siblings a handful of times growning up but never seeing my dad just them. Little did i know that this visite would be the last time i saw her in person before she died. i remember most of what we talked about and it turns out she understood what i was going through. she had been through the same things and she made me realize my destiney my purpose in life. I may never have the bond with anyone the way mine and hers was. i had talked to her numbers of times after that day and each time she helped she knew actually what to say to make me understand. she made me look at things and realize all the signs and see where i was going. Anytime i ever felt lost i just remember there are signs everywhere i just have to open myself to them. Although there was one thing she said to me that day that i have yet to fully understand it was “when the dreams stop you have done your part and the end will be near.” These words still haunt me today. My sister died Dec 2010 and when she died i felt a piece of myself die with her. For first 6 months after her death i was more lost than i had ever been. she knew her time was near i could hear it in her voice the last time we spoke and she tried to tell me everything that she thought i may needed to know. I just didnt realize how close her time was. I ve seen my death my end just like i have seen whats between that time. Even though the dreams dont tell you excatly when it will happen in some way i am perpared. Almost excatley 8 months after her death i was working in a hospital doing paper work. I was in this room with an elder guy and out of no where  he say ” when the time to go gets closer you will feel the pull of the other side and you will begin to see the new horizon to the other side and you will feel the person you were close to waiting for you.” after he said this he coded and died. I knew my sign would be clear as day but this just made me feel insane. Shortly after that i quit i couldnt sleep i didnt wanna eat i just kept reading through my notebooks like i was searching for an answer. then i had my third near death expeirence and this one was different, i saw the light, the horizon, and i even felt my sister holding my hand. i could feel my body giving out but for whatever reason it wasnt my time yet and i was pulled back once again. The dreams i a fear have stopped i havent had one in 6 months the only dreams i have are night terrors. since my sisters death i ve been unable to sleep and since my third near death has mad it worse. i feel like i keep seeing the other side and its making me feel like i am crazy. I do feel my sister with me all the time  now like she is waiting for me. I know my destiney my purpose has been fulfilled i am just lost on whats next. Maybe i am wasting time in this dead end road waiting for my time to go. I know how i go and i am not scared anymore i know when i go the pain i felt for so long will be gone. I just wish the dreams were more clear on time but i know not everything is meant to be known. Even though i still feel alittle insane i realize it doesnt matter, what i see and hear is not always what others see and hear.


One Comment

  1. You are not crazy, you are actually quite intuitive. Angels speak to us in different ways, one way is through our dreams. There is a book you might find comfort in, its called “We are their Heaven” by Allison DuBois.

    I know what it is like to lose a sister. Mine died years ago, her death was the beginning of the downward spiral of my mother and as a result of it I experienced years of horrific abuse. I am a survivor though. I am here today because my Angels lifted me up on their wings. I am eternally grateful to each and every one of them.

    You are not alone and you are definitely not crazy.

    My heart sends you love as you walk your own journey. I know how it feels to be locked in a cage, and to be trapped within the self. Your writings are brave, you are an Angel. I send you blessings, love and light.

    Love, Joan

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